Believe it or Not
#1
07-07-2003 | 05:55 PM
Thread Starter
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Senior Member
Joined: Apr 2000
Posts: 12,632
Likes: 1
From: Stinkin Joisey
Believe it or Not
After every flight, pilots complete a gripe sheet that conveys to the
mechanics problems encountered with the aircraft during the flight that
need repair or correction.
The form is a piece of paper that the pilot completes and then the
mechanics read and correct the problem. They then respond in writing on
the lower half of the form what remedial action was taken and the pilot
reviews the gripe sheets before the next flight.
Never let it be said that ground crews and engineers lack a sense of
humor. Here are some actual logged maintenance complaints and problems
as submitted by Qantas pilots and the solution recorded by maintenance
engineers.
By the way, Qantas is the only major airline that has never had an
accident.
P = The problem logged by the pilot. S = The solution and action taken
by the engineers.
p: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement. S: Almost replaced
left inside main tire.
P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough. S: Auto-land not
installed on this aircraft.
P: Something loose in ****pit. S: Something tightened in ****pit.
P: Dead bugs on windshield. S: Live bugs on backorder.
P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute
descent.
S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.
P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear. S: Evidence removed.
P: DME volume unbelievably loud. S: DME volume set to more believable
level.
P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick. S: That's what they're
there for.
P: IFF inoperative. S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.
P: Suspected crack in windshield. S: Suspect you're right.
P: Number 3 engine missing. S: Engine found on right wing after brief
search.
P: Aircraft handles funny. S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly
right, and be serious.
P: Target radar hums. S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.
P: Mouse in ****pit. S: Cat installed.
mechanics problems encountered with the aircraft during the flight that
need repair or correction.
The form is a piece of paper that the pilot completes and then the
mechanics read and correct the problem. They then respond in writing on
the lower half of the form what remedial action was taken and the pilot
reviews the gripe sheets before the next flight.
Never let it be said that ground crews and engineers lack a sense of
humor. Here are some actual logged maintenance complaints and problems
as submitted by Qantas pilots and the solution recorded by maintenance
engineers.
By the way, Qantas is the only major airline that has never had an
accident.
P = The problem logged by the pilot. S = The solution and action taken
by the engineers.
p: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement. S: Almost replaced
left inside main tire.
P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough. S: Auto-land not
installed on this aircraft.
P: Something loose in ****pit. S: Something tightened in ****pit.
P: Dead bugs on windshield. S: Live bugs on backorder.
P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute
descent.
S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.
P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear. S: Evidence removed.
P: DME volume unbelievably loud. S: DME volume set to more believable
level.
P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick. S: That's what they're
there for.
P: IFF inoperative. S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.
P: Suspected crack in windshield. S: Suspect you're right.
P: Number 3 engine missing. S: Engine found on right wing after brief
search.
P: Aircraft handles funny. S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly
right, and be serious.
P: Target radar hums. S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.
P: Mouse in ****pit. S: Cat installed.
#7
07-07-2003 | 08:52 PM
Senior Member
Joined: Mar 2002
Posts: 4,867
Likes: 0
From: NH
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#10
07-07-2003 | 10:35 PM
Moderator &
Senior Member
Senior Member
Joined: Jan 2002
Posts: 31,440
Likes: 4
From: The Bluegrass State
Originally posted by Fast Gator
grrrrrrrrrrrr
I'll just wait till he goes on one of his rock excurisons, then I'll break loose
grrrrrrrrrrrr
I'll just wait till he goes on one of his rock excurisons, then I'll break loose
That sounds like a helluva special 'botique' edition for the final year of the Ford Excursion. I could design it...
Let's see....
Sandstone tan interior
Mica schist exterior paint
Garnet center caps...
This is getting expensive...
#13
07-08-2003 | 09:35 AM
Certified Goat Breeder
Joined: Feb 1999
Posts: 6,181
Likes: 14
From: the moral high ground
At Heathrow Airport today, an individual, later discovered to be a school teacher, was arrested trying to board a flight while in possession of a compass, a protractor, and a graphing calculator. Authorities believe he is a member of the notorious Al-Gebra movement. He is being charged with carrying weapons of math instruction.