All right I got one from my weekend drill with the reserves:

Him - "Its as hard as pulling teeth from a running rhinoceros"

Me - "Yeah, how hard is that?"

Him - "Its hard as f*ck dude!"

31C

 

-Does a hobby horse have a wooden D@#!

-Does a one legged duck swim in a circle

-Raining like a cow pi$$in on a flat rock

-Does gumby have clay nu!$

 

You're f*cking this cat, I'm just holding the legs. (or vice versa)

 

Some of my favorites...

"I would not pi$$ down your throat, if your guts were on fire"

"You ain't the coldest beer in the fridge"

"Your as worthless a Tit$ on a bull, or ***** on a priest"

"Slicker than greased owl *****"

Joe

 

I believe Raoul would disagree with that one.

"Just F@$king the dog and selling the pups"

Sled...

 

No such animal.
If I owned one I'd only have to work half-days.

 

If she was any dumber, she'd have to be watered!

 

*He's sweating like OJ on the freeway.

Or in Chicago I used to hear...
*He's sweating like Jesse Jackson on election day.

*She's so skinny she looks like a bag full of antlers.

*Is a wild bear Catholic, does the Pope ***** in the woods?

MR

 

still my favorite, this one is from my old man...

"Wish in one hand and ***** in the other and see which one fills up first".

 

No, it goes "He wiggles better'n a dog tryin ta pass a peach pit"

--"It come a toad-strangler" (big storm)
--"He's ate up"
--"That dam chevy couldnt pull a greasy string from a cats a$$"


Theres so many I cant even think of any more. Look up the thread from a year or so ago on "Southernisms"---got lots of good sayings in there.

 

o.k., its not politically correct, but whatever.

'why you lookin at me like one of those window-lickers'

i had to ask what that meant.
i was told, this meant that same as

'why you lookin at me like you should be on the short-bus'

 

Have you heard the one about the lesbian construction company? They use no studs and its' all tougue-and-groove.


^^

 

Here's one:

About as useful as a one legged man in a a$$ kicking contest!

 

All this makes me as happy as a puppy with two peters... which is happier than a puppy in a hub cab factory...

 

I'm sad to say that made me crack up.

My favorit is: The wheel is spinning but the hampsters dead.