The Confessional
#1
01-26-2007 | 02:55 PM
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From: New Jersey
The Confessional
The Confessional
An elderly man walks into a confessional. The following conversation ensues:
Man: "I am 92 years old, have a wonderful wife of 70 years, many children, grandchildren, and great grandchildren. Yesterday, I picked up two college girls, hitchhiking. We went to a motel, where I had sex with each of them three times."
Priest: "Are you sorry for your sins?"
Man: "What sins?"
Priest: "What kind of a Catholic are you?"
Man: "I'm Jewish."
Priest: "Why are you telling me all this?"
Man: "I'm 92 years old .... I'm telling everybody."
An elderly man walks into a confessional. The following conversation ensues:
Man: "I am 92 years old, have a wonderful wife of 70 years, many children, grandchildren, and great grandchildren. Yesterday, I picked up two college girls, hitchhiking. We went to a motel, where I had sex with each of them three times."
Priest: "Are you sorry for your sins?"
Man: "What sins?"
Priest: "What kind of a Catholic are you?"
Man: "I'm Jewish."
Priest: "Why are you telling me all this?"
Man: "I'm 92 years old .... I'm telling everybody."
#3
01-26-2007 | 05:46 PM
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From: Metro Atlanta
LT ~ here's another one...
Overheard in a confession booth early one Saturday morning…
Bill: “Forgive me father, for I have sinned”
Priest: “Bless you, my son, would you like to tell me about it?”
Bill: “Last week, I met with a woman in a motel for some really hot sex.”
Priest: “That’s not good at all. You need to confess these sins. Can I assume that this woman was not your wife?”
Bill: “No, It wasn’t my wife. It was a lady I met here at Church”
Priest: “That’s not good either. She hasn’t come to confession yet, can you tell me who it was, what her name is?”
Bill: “I can’t tell you, and I won’t”
Priest: “I cannot tell anyone else, and I need to know who she is so I can pray for her. Was it Mrs. Williams?”
Bill: “No”
Priest: “Was it Mrs. Anderson?”
Bill: “No, it wasn’t”
Priest: “Mrs. Smith?”
Since the confession wasn’t getting anywhere, they ended it without any real resolution other than to continue at another time.
Overheard out on the golf course later that day…
Jim: “Hey Bill, wait up! How’s it going. I tried to call you this morning, but your wife said that you had already left the house…”
Bill: “Yeah, I stopped by for confession earlier this morning.”
Jim: “Well, how did it go?”
Bill: “Not bad at all, I got three new leads”
Overheard in a confession booth early one Saturday morning…
Bill: “Forgive me father, for I have sinned”
Priest: “Bless you, my son, would you like to tell me about it?”
Bill: “Last week, I met with a woman in a motel for some really hot sex.”
Priest: “That’s not good at all. You need to confess these sins. Can I assume that this woman was not your wife?”
Bill: “No, It wasn’t my wife. It was a lady I met here at Church”
Priest: “That’s not good either. She hasn’t come to confession yet, can you tell me who it was, what her name is?”
Bill: “I can’t tell you, and I won’t”
Priest: “I cannot tell anyone else, and I need to know who she is so I can pray for her. Was it Mrs. Williams?”
Bill: “No”
Priest: “Was it Mrs. Anderson?”
Bill: “No, it wasn’t”
Priest: “Mrs. Smith?”
Since the confession wasn’t getting anywhere, they ended it without any real resolution other than to continue at another time.
Overheard out on the golf course later that day…
Jim: “Hey Bill, wait up! How’s it going. I tried to call you this morning, but your wife said that you had already left the house…”
Bill: “Yeah, I stopped by for confession earlier this morning.”
Jim: “Well, how did it go?”
Bill: “Not bad at all, I got three new leads”
#5
01-26-2007 | 05:52 PM
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From: Burleson/Athens/Brownsboro, TX
#7
01-26-2007 | 06:26 PM
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From: Burleson, Texas
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#10
01-26-2007 | 06:36 PM
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From: New Jersey
The Circumcision
A teacher noticed that a little boy at the back of the class was squirming
around, scratching his crotch, and not paying attention.
She went back to find out what was going on.
He was quite embarrassed and whispered that he had just recently been
circumcised and he was quite itchy.
The teacher told him to go down to the principal's office.
He was to telephone his mother and ask her what he should do about it. He
did it and returned to his class.
Suddenly, there was a commotion at the back of the room.
She went back to investigate only to find him sitting at his desk with his
you know what hanging out.
"I thought I told you to call your mom!" she said "I did," he said, "And
she told me that if I could stick it out till noon, she’d come and pick me
up from school."
A teacher noticed that a little boy at the back of the class was squirming
around, scratching his crotch, and not paying attention.
She went back to find out what was going on.
He was quite embarrassed and whispered that he had just recently been
circumcised and he was quite itchy.
The teacher told him to go down to the principal's office.
He was to telephone his mother and ask her what he should do about it. He
did it and returned to his class.
Suddenly, there was a commotion at the back of the room.
She went back to investigate only to find him sitting at his desk with his
you know what hanging out.
"I thought I told you to call your mom!" she said "I did," he said, "And
she told me that if I could stick it out till noon, she’d come and pick me
up from school."
#12
01-26-2007 | 06:41 PM
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From: New Jersey
More Confessions
A married Irishman went into the confessional and said to his priest, "I almost had an affair with another woman."
The priest said, "What do you mean, almost?"
The Irishman said, "Well, we got undressed and rubbed together, but then I
stopped."
The priest said, "Rubbing together is the same as putting it in. You're not to see that woman again. For your penance, say five Hail Mary's and put $50 in the poor box."
The Irishman left the confessional, said his prayers, and then walked over to the poor box. He paused for a moment and then started to leave. The priest, who was watching, quickly ran over to him saying, "I saw that. You didn't put any money in the poor box!"
The Irishman replied, "Yeah, but I rubbed the $50 on the box, and according to you, that's the same as putting it in!"
A married Irishman went into the confessional and said to his priest, "I almost had an affair with another woman."
The priest said, "What do you mean, almost?"
The Irishman said, "Well, we got undressed and rubbed together, but then I
stopped."
The priest said, "Rubbing together is the same as putting it in. You're not to see that woman again. For your penance, say five Hail Mary's and put $50 in the poor box."
The Irishman left the confessional, said his prayers, and then walked over to the poor box. He paused for a moment and then started to leave. The priest, who was watching, quickly ran over to him saying, "I saw that. You didn't put any money in the poor box!"
The Irishman replied, "Yeah, but I rubbed the $50 on the box, and according to you, that's the same as putting it in!"
#13
01-26-2007 | 06:46 PM
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Joined: Dec 2005
Posts: 1,530
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From: San Antonio, Tx
Originally Posted by lovetrucks
More Confessions
A married Irishman went into the confessional and said to his priest, "I almost had an affair with another woman."
The priest said, "What do you mean, almost?"
The Irishman said, "Well, we got undressed and rubbed together, but then I
stopped."
The priest said, "Rubbing together is the same as putting it in. You're not to see that woman again. For your penance, say five Hail Mary's and put $50 in the poor box."
The Irishman left the confessional, said his prayers, and then walked over to the poor box. He paused for a moment and then started to leave. The priest, who was watching, quickly ran over to him saying, "I saw that. You didn't put any money in the poor box!"
The Irishman replied, "Yeah, but I rubbed the $50 on the box, and according to you, that's the same as putting it in!"
A married Irishman went into the confessional and said to his priest, "I almost had an affair with another woman."
The priest said, "What do you mean, almost?"
The Irishman said, "Well, we got undressed and rubbed together, but then I
stopped."
The priest said, "Rubbing together is the same as putting it in. You're not to see that woman again. For your penance, say five Hail Mary's and put $50 in the poor box."
The Irishman left the confessional, said his prayers, and then walked over to the poor box. He paused for a moment and then started to leave. The priest, who was watching, quickly ran over to him saying, "I saw that. You didn't put any money in the poor box!"
The Irishman replied, "Yeah, but I rubbed the $50 on the box, and according to you, that's the same as putting it in!"
How do you get a one armed pollock out of a tree?
you wave to him.
#14
01-26-2007 | 06:46 PM
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Joined: Nov 2005
Posts: 17,118
Likes: 7
From: Burleson, Texas
Originally Posted by lovetrucks
More Confessions
A married Irishman went into the confessional and said to his priest, "I almost had an affair with another woman."
The priest said, "What do you mean, almost?"
The Irishman said, "Well, we got undressed and rubbed together, but then I
stopped."
The priest said, "Rubbing together is the same as putting it in. You're not to see that woman again. For your penance, say five Hail Mary's and put $50 in the poor box."
The Irishman left the confessional, said his prayers, and then walked over to the poor box. He paused for a moment and then started to leave. The priest, who was watching, quickly ran over to him saying, "I saw that. You didn't put any money in the poor box!"
The Irishman replied, "Yeah, but I rubbed the $50 on the box, and according to you, that's the same as putting it in!"
A married Irishman went into the confessional and said to his priest, "I almost had an affair with another woman."
The priest said, "What do you mean, almost?"
The Irishman said, "Well, we got undressed and rubbed together, but then I
stopped."
The priest said, "Rubbing together is the same as putting it in. You're not to see that woman again. For your penance, say five Hail Mary's and put $50 in the poor box."
The Irishman left the confessional, said his prayers, and then walked over to the poor box. He paused for a moment and then started to leave. The priest, who was watching, quickly ran over to him saying, "I saw that. You didn't put any money in the poor box!"
The Irishman replied, "Yeah, but I rubbed the $50 on the box, and according to you, that's the same as putting it in!"
