Thank you guys

 

Allrighty then! I'm stayiing on the sidelines on this one. Can you tell I'm Married? However I must admit I am becoming slightly arroused.

 

BTW, I should mention that my responses were not intended to offend anyone in any way. I am just a hopelessly warped individual. I had a creative moment with my responses not realizing the womanizing, pro-bachelor nature of my responses.

FYI, I will be getting married AUG. 26th. There, I said it. I guess I am human too.

 

Wow! All those jokes and no-one used the word Chevy.

 

ATST,
If a man speaks in the forest and there is no woman around to hear him, is he still wrong?


I'm Glad I'm A Man:

I'm glad I'm a man, yes I am,
I am king
I don't live off of berries, bob-bons, and rings
I don't brag to my girlfriends about my infections
I won't talk to the blind man, concerning directions
I don't act wasted a parties after drinking a beer and I know what I want when I call you dear!
I might belch in public, but I won't be called runt
I'm a man you see -- Not no sissy ____!!

I'm glad I'm a man, I'm so glad I could yell
I don't shave my hair, wax, or use gel
I don't buy wonder bras, or girdles or such
and I don't beg for money to enlarge my bust
I don't pull the hair that grows from my navel I don't dim the lights, or say I'm not able
I'm a man you see -- I'm much too stable!

I honestly think its a privilege for you
when I play with your boob s, and come on, really, you do too
I don't live for tupperware no not at all
I'm not here just to take your money and go to the mall
I won't tell you a story, I won't waste my time
I won't complain about everything and whine, whine whine
Yes, I'm glad I'm a man, a man you see
I can pee standing up, sitting down, or in a tree and I don't believe every ad with the word free

I am a man, I'm no wussie and I sure don't have no string hanging from a pu$#@.
I don't long for sleep overs, or that time of the month
I sure didn't f$%# cry when I saw forest gump!

I know you're sorry, and you know men are the bread winners so quit standing there, and fetch us some dinner!

I am a man, a man till I die, I'm sure you're just jealous and I know you'll cry...


------------------
99 F250XLT Supercab LD
5.4L 3.73 LS
White/Silver
Graphite interior
6 CD changer/Captain's Chairs




[This message has been edited by JD (edited 04-13-2000).]

 

Me cry?
Hell, I'm re-loading!

 

We've done it now

Just watch where you aim that thing

------------------
99 F250XLT Supercab LD
5.4L 3.73 LS
White/Silver
Graphite interior
6 CD changer/Captain's Chairs

 

ATST...you forgot a couple...

Why is a man like a tile floor?
Lay him right the first time and you can walk on him for life!

How many men does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Only one...all he has to do is hold it while the world revolves around him.

hehehe
the Tamster

------------------
TamsHerOwnBoss@aol.com

My F-150 looks suspiciously like a little green Chevy Cavalier. Not lifted, not lowered, no snug-top or nerf bars. Two F-150Online stickers on the back glass, and Texas Plates that read "TAMSTR"...Dave says she'll be a truck when she grows up.

[This message has been edited by Tamster (edited 04-13-2000).]

 

Sorry Tamster, these make more sense to me:

How is a man like a tile floor?
The harder he is, the longer he'll last

How many men does it take to screw in a light bulb?
The same amount it takes to scream out "Hey, @#tch, get in there and screw in that light bulb"

 

How To Shower Like a Woman:

1. Take off clothing and place it in sectioned laundry hamper according to lights and darks.

2. Walk to bathroom wearing long dressing gown. If you see your husband along the way, cover up any exposed flesh and rush to the bathroom.

3. Look at your womanly physique in the mirror and stick out your gut so that you can complain and whine even more about how you're getting fat.

4. Get in the shower. Look for facecloth, arm cloth, leg cloth, long loofah, wide loofah and pumice stone.

5. Wash your hair once with Cucumber and Lamfrey shampoo with 83 added vitamins.

6. Wash your hair again with Cucumber and Lamfrey shampoo with 83 added vitamins.

7. Condition your hair with Cucumber and Lamfrey conditioner enhanced with natural crocus oil. Leave on hair for fifteen minutes.

8. Wash your face with crushed apricot facial scrub for ten minutes until red raw.

9. Wash entire rest of body with Ginger Nut and Jaffa Cake body wash.

10. Rinse conditioner off hair (this takes at least fifteen minutes as you must make sure that it has all come off).

11. Shave armpits and legs. Consider shaving bikini area but decide to get it waxed instead.

12. Scream loudly when your husband flushed the toilet and you lose the water pressure.

13. Turn off shower.

14. Squeegee off all wet surfaces in shower. Spray mold spots with Tilex.

15. Get out of shower. Dry with towel the size of a small country. Wrap hair in super absorbent second towel.

16. Check entire body for the remotest sign of a zit. Attack with nails, tweezers if found.

17. Return to bedroom wearing long dressing gown and towel on head.

18. If you see your husband along the way, cover up any exposed areas and then rush to bedroom to spend an hour and a half getting dressed.

How To Shower Like A Man:

1. Take off clothes while sitting on the edge of the bed and leave them in a pile.

2. Walk naked to the bathroom. If you see your wife along the way, shake wiener at her making the "woo" sound.

3. Look at your manly physique in the mirror and suck in your gut to see if you have pecs (no). Admire the size of your wiener in the mirror,
scratch your "privates" and smell your fingers for one last whiff.

4. Get in the shower.

5. Don't bother to look for a washcloth (you don't use one).

6. Wash your face.

7. Wash your armpits.

8. Crack up at how loud your fart sounds in the shower.

9. Wash your privates and surrounding area.

10. Wash your butt, leaving hair on the soap bar.

11. Shampoo your hair (do not use conditioner).

12. Make a shampoo Mohawk.

13. Pull back shower curtain and look at yourself in the mirror.

14. Pee (in the shower).

15. Rinse off and get out of the shower. Fail to notice water on the floor because you left the curtain hanging out of the tub the whole time.

16. Partially dry off.

17. Look at yourself in the mirror, flex muscles. Admire wiener size again.

18. Leave shower curtain open and wet bath mat on the floor.

19. Leave bathroom fan and light on.

20. Return to the bedroom with towel around your waist. If you pass your wife, pull off the towel, grab your wiener, go "Yeah baby" and thrust your pelvis at her.

21. Throw wet towel on the bed. Take 2 minutes to get dressed.



[This message has been edited by Raoul (edited 04-13-2000).]

 

Now I know who's been hiding in my bathroom taking notes!......LOL

perfect, Raoul, thats life at my house


woo, woo, eh?

Redwing

------------------
2000, F-150, XLT, SC, Flareside, 4x4, 5.4, 3.55ls, ORP,
Tow Package,BFG Allterrain T/A KO's
Downey soft tonneau, Black Westin step bars
Airaid FIPK from the Online store
Superchip from Mike Troyer
Bright REDWINGS red

Rewired driving lights from low beam dependant
to keyed toggle switch.

My Ford history; Started at Age 15 1965 f-100, 1976 f-250,
1979 f-150, 1989 Bronco2, 1990 full size Bronco,
1995 Explorer(wifes car), 2000 f-150

 

Raoul,

You had me on the floor crying again, lol. True, how true.



------------------
99 F250XLT Supercab LD
5.4L 3.73 LS
White/Silver
Graphite interior
6 CD changer/Captain's Chairs

 

During these dark times when the IRS is upon is, and filing deadline mere dozens of hours away......

THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU!!!!

For this thread, I mean. The humor was sorely needed from all. ATST, you really are something else.

Seacrow, excellent defense!!!!!

Raoul, Raoul...... only you. Classic, cutting, & confidently accurate.

I feel much better now, especially knowing that *none* of the above could ever apply in my ruled-by-man household...... obviously, that's a joke.

Thank you, one and all!

------------------
Mike Troyer
Performance Products, Inc.
National Distributor of Superchips
(540) 862-9515
Email: mtroyer@compuserve.com
Online Superchip ordering system:https://www.f150online.com/scpp/index.html

 

Why talking to a Man Doesn't Work
What a woman says:
"This place is a mess! C'mon, you need to get busy and pick up your things. Your stuff is lying on the floor and you'll have no clothes to wear if we don't do laundry right now!"

What a man hears:
blah, blah, blah, blah, C'MON
blah, blah, blah, blah, YOU
blah, blah, blah, blah, GET BUSY
blah, blah, blah, blah, ON THE FLOOR
blah, blah, blah, blah, NO CLOTHES
blah, blah, blah, blah, RIGHT NOW

 

The Morgan City, Louisiana Gazette has provided
this report from the 2000 World Women's Liberation Conference
recently held in Little Rock, Arkansas:

The first speaker, a lady from England stood up and
said, "During last years' conference we spoke about being more
assertive with our husbands. Well, after the conference I went home
and told my dear husband, Sherman, that I would no longer cook
for him and that he would have to do all the cooking himself!

After the first day, I saw nothing. After the second day,
I saw nothing. But on the third day, I saw that he had
cooked a wonderful roast lamb."

The crowd cheered.

The second speaker, a lady from Russia stood up
and said, "After last years' conference I went home and told my
husband, Ivan, that I would no longer do his laundry and that he
would have to do it himself.

After the first day, I saw nothing. After the second day, I saw
nothing. But on the third day, I saw that he had done not only his
own washing, but my washing as well."

The crowd again cheered.

The third speaker, an attractive Cajun lady from Breaux Bridge,
Louisiana, stood up and said, "Afta last years' conference, I went
rat home and tole dat lazy Coonass husband'a mine,
Boudreaux, dat I wadn't gonna do no mo'a his cookin', cleanin' or
shoppin' and dat he wuz gonna have to did it all fer hissef."

The crowd got to their feet and roared approval.
When it became quiet, she continued, "And I tole'em I wadn't
gonna be doin' no mo cleanin' dem nasty crawfeesh, giggin' no mo
boolfrogs and water dawgs, skinnin' none'a dem musrats
and nutras or check'n no mo catfeesh trotlines."

The crowd went wild and the cheering and clapping
lasted for at least five minutes.

When the audience had settled down again, she
continued, "Afta dat fust day, I didn't saw nuttin'. Afta the
second day, I didn't saw nuttin' too. But afta the thud day,
I could see jussa little bit outta my left eye."