Nothing against the OP, but it amazes me what people will post about their personal life. I've been "online" in many different forums. First with usenet in 1993 or so then onto Deja then Google Groups and now web-bases forums. I must say, this forum wins.

 

Zaairman , he got owned big time haha.... good post

mx , the reason i posted it is because i knew i would get some straight up answers and not people beatin around the bush, it may be personal but its not the first time somebody has posted this im sure......

 

Ok. Here's a straight up answer. If your post is not embellished in anyway shape or form. Meaning you two actually fight ALL the time, as you stated, you need to get away from each other and take a break. It's not healthy. It's not healthy for you or your wife but it is especially not healthy for that new baby. You said you've been married for almost a year now. So, at one point, you loved each other enough to get married. Or, you were too young to know what you were getting into. (I have no idea how old you are)

Set up a night where you can take your kid to a sitter and you and your wife can sit down and have a heart to heart and find out if you truly love each other and if whatever love you have for each other is worth fighting for. It's not just about the kid. You can't stay just for the kid. The way you make it sound, the kid would be in a more stable environment if one of you left immediately.

Or maybe I should just straight up ask you; Do you love your wife?

Signed: not Dr. Phil

 

X2 ^^^^

 

You say you fight "all the time" and then you proceed to blame each and every fight on your wife. Maybe she is a b***h, maybe she is resentful that she is tied to a husband and child at 19 years of age but in all honesty is every single fight started by her? It sounds like you both need to step back, decide if being married is what you really want and proceed from there. Since she says she's willing to change maybe marriage counseling is a good place to start. One thing you need to change right now is to stop keeping tabs on who pays for what. Marriage is not about keeping score, you may earn the actual cash but doesn't she work too? Taking care of a child is work, washing your clothes is work, cooking your meals is work, does she not do anything around there? 19 is very young to be holding down the responsibilities of married life. Being married and raising a family is not always easy, even for older couples, but something a lot of people don't seem to realize...marriage is WORK!!! I've been married for 30 years in June, it hasn't been all sweetness and light. There have been some major battles waged in our household but we've seen them through because we made a commitment to do so. We did not vow 'til divorce do us part' we vowed 'til death do us part'. But I regress...if you truly want to make a go of your marriage...seek counseling...stop keeping score on who pays for what...and stop arguing-it does take 2 you know and if you don't argue, she'll be talking to herself.

Another thing...while Tennessee isn't a community property state it is, apparently, an equitable state. So when it comes to divorce the non-owner of property would be awarded a portion of the value of property though not necessarily an even 50-50 split. If you own your home, most likely you would have to sell it and divide the proceeds or she would have to sell you her portion if she was willing to do so.

I wish you the best of luck in whatever comes of this.

 

You both can keep on argueing to cows come home, it won't change a thing. You even point out her flaws and no work/ no college, she's not hearing it. What you both need is counseling, she needs to hear it from someone else on the outside looking in! You both should have been counseled prior to marriage!

 

It sounds like with both of you being so young that neither of you was really ready for marriage. But you got what you got so now its time to put your big boy/girl pants on and deal with it. There have been some good suggestions. The best one being counseling of some sort. I think you both really need it to see what is important. Date nights with each other and some free time apart for yourself is required in any healthy relationship also.

I'm sure she doesnt do things like you do or would expect and neither do you as far as she is concerned. Let me explain that. When I got married I had been living in an apartment there in Jackson, TN for several years. I liked it and thought I had it set up pretty good. When the wife moved in she immediately started changing things around. This really ticked me off for some reason and we had a huge fight over what drawer the silverware was in. LOL At the time it seemed insulting to me but now after 17 years I could care less what drawer it is in or how see decorates the house. Those little things don't matter and I look back at that and laugh now.

With a new baby I am sure those kind of things are multiplied 100 times over. What you sometimes see as her being a b***h may just be her having a different view/take on things. Some day you may come to appreciate and even value that. Your situation may not be the best but make the best of it and if nothing else try as hard as you can for your child before you call it quits. Seek out some counseling. Seriously!

 

Were it not for the kid your young enough to forget the marriage ever happened. You gave doing the honorable thing a shot. Knocked her and married her. Make up your mind if you think the deal isnt going to work pull the trigger on the divorce and move on. don't look back. You still very young. Its a deal you can put behind you now easier then in 10 years.

 

^ agree!! and you say you wont get married ever again..your only 19, you never know what will happen

 

My point. You 2 are young and I understand that. BUT, you both NOW have a child. At this point, it's about the child. NOT you or HER. Crap like this really makes me mad because some child will be without a dad or mother. You both need to understand that the child comes first. NOT you. You both need to stand UP and be parents and become one. Talk to her as a wife and a mother. Even if it means you have to put your truck to the side, which is probably the best thing. Step up and be an dad. Not an someone.

 

In my days I've seen a few people stick in awful relationships "for the kid" The kid ends up being the one calling on mom and dad to split. You can be a great parent without being married to the other parent. Better off finding a better mate if that person isnt your match. Mistakes happen. Just because you make a mistake dont mean you should have an awful life and a bad marriage is just that. Its good you gave marrying her a shot but if it aint working move on.

 

I cook around here

anyways , we done straightend it out...... for now anyways......

and we had counselin before we got married , because the marriage lisence was $94 without counselin , and i thank they was $30 with counselin

 

Glad to hear you are trying to work things out. Counseling can be done any time. Just because you already had some pre-wedding counseling doesn't mean you can't seek more if you feel it's needed. If things start to go south again, that's the first place I'd start. Work, work hard!! I hope things get better!

 

Oh geez, it's like I'm you, I'm going thru the exact thing, except we're not married yet. We're not talking right now until we get counselling. You're not alone and this is not uncommon. Ask the majority of my friends, my brother, my parents, myself etc. Something is wrong with chicks anymore, they have too much and expect us to think like them- good luck! Ask many poor couples who try to make ends meet and don't own much, all they have is each other and they have worse things to worry about. I say this because alot of women in these situations are humbled by this and look for any good in their lives. Mine for example takes advantage of how good she has it and thinks I'm pure evil. Christ, I could go on but won't, I'm starting to get pist. Hopefully you have good luck, cool heads help too.

PS, older women, not calling anyone old, but someone who has been married for 30 years knows times were tougher once upon a time and ALOT OF WORK was needed if not still. Older women have alot greater wisdom than do these young broads today so listen good.