financial suck-dom
#16
09-19-2010 | 01:03 PM
Well this is the reason I counsel my sons to choose their wives wisely as well as to wait until at least 25 to get married.
Since marriage is for life, as God commanded, nothing good will come from a divorce.
As a Christian I would like to see the Old Testament laws of stoning come back. At least 90% of marital issues are the wives problems. It started in the Garden of Eve and hasn't stopped.
Personally I would say suck it up and try to reconcile with your wife without giving up your authority as husband and father.
Good luck.
Since marriage is for life, as God commanded, nothing good will come from a divorce.
As a Christian I would like to see the Old Testament laws of stoning come back. At least 90% of marital issues are the wives problems. It started in the Garden of Eve and hasn't stopped.
Personally I would say suck it up and try to reconcile with your wife without giving up your authority as husband and father.
Good luck.
It's got to be her fault. Everyone knows MEN are all perfect.
#17
09-19-2010 | 01:04 PM
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#18
09-19-2010 | 03:46 PM
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Remember that consolidation companies and bankruptcy aren't just taking you credit hit and not getting a loan for 7 years. These paths require mandatory credit and financial counseling and reporting of financials for as much as a year or more to a watchdog.
Personally, I'd find any other way before I even considered being nannied but some shmuch behind a desk.
Personally, I'd find any other way before I even considered being nannied but some shmuch behind a desk.
#19
09-19-2010 | 06:14 PM
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From: Nordern Michigan....Just under da bridge eh!
Yeah, the credit cards have to go. You'll then need a little cash to ask the small accounts to settle for a much reduced amount or not get paid at all. IMPORTANT, any negotiations you do MUST be in writing. If they agree to a settlement over the phone and you send them the money with no written agreement, you'll still owe the balance. You'll have to start at the smallest and work to the largest account. If you have any assets that are worth anything, truck, cars, boat, guns, etc, unload them now. You can always buy again later when you recover from this. Eating out is gone and eating beans is in. Like Dave Ramsey says, "you're gonna live like no one else so you can live like no one else". I can assume you now know if you don't have the dough, you don't need it.
So what's up with the wife not paying part of the bills? Does she work? What's the divorce say? If she's not paying, you need to get the court to change her mind and maybe a parting of debt...if that's available in yer state.
So folks, here's a man making nearly a hundred grand a year and can't pay his bills. Learn from his mistakes. If you can't pay cash for it, you don't need it. I've never seen so many people making decent money that can't pay their bills as there are now. What going to happen if things REALLY get bad like they were in the late 1920's? If you have debt, credit card bills that you can't pay off in one month, you're already in trouble. There are no guarantees that your job will be there tomorrow. Even Gov't jobs may fold so don't think it can't happen to you. Don't put yourself thru the misery jump n is having to deal with. It makes for a lot of sleepless nights.
Hope you come out of this okay bud but there's probably a bump in the road...or two.
So what's up with the wife not paying part of the bills? Does she work? What's the divorce say? If she's not paying, you need to get the court to change her mind and maybe a parting of debt...if that's available in yer state.
So folks, here's a man making nearly a hundred grand a year and can't pay his bills. Learn from his mistakes. If you can't pay cash for it, you don't need it. I've never seen so many people making decent money that can't pay their bills as there are now. What going to happen if things REALLY get bad like they were in the late 1920's? If you have debt, credit card bills that you can't pay off in one month, you're already in trouble. There are no guarantees that your job will be there tomorrow. Even Gov't jobs may fold so don't think it can't happen to you. Don't put yourself thru the misery jump n is having to deal with. It makes for a lot of sleepless nights.
Hope you come out of this okay bud but there's probably a bump in the road...or two.
I agree with the paying off CC's in a month. But there are some things that you can have and still be financially stable even tho you couldnt pay them off in a month. Like a roof over your head
#20
09-19-2010 | 06:30 PM
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From: Nordern Michigan....Just under da bridge eh!
Well this is the reason I counsel my sons to choose their wives wisely as well as to wait until at least 25 to get married.
Since marriage is for life, as God commanded, nothing good will come from a divorce.
As a Christian I would like to see the Old Testament laws of stoning come back. At least 90% of marital issues are the wives problems. It started in the Garden of Eve and hasn't stopped.
Personally I would say suck it up and try to reconcile with your wife without giving up your authority as husband and father.
Good luck.
Since marriage is for life, as God commanded, nothing good will come from a divorce.
As a Christian I would like to see the Old Testament laws of stoning come back. At least 90% of marital issues are the wives problems. It started in the Garden of Eve and hasn't stopped.
Personally I would say suck it up and try to reconcile with your wife without giving up your authority as husband and father.
Good luck.
Why would you honestly condone "stoning" a women just because a book tells you that you can?
I bet you also honestly believe that a womans place is in the kitchen and she should wait on you hand and foot. While you sit on the couch and do nothing.
Marriage is 50/50. There is no better sex.
People who think like that are normally the ones that cause the divorce in the first place. You telling her that its all her fault and your perfect. And your the man and your word goes. Sure your the man of the house. But when you act like that, your the A hole of the house.
Hopefully your son doesnt turn out as a male chauvinist too with these kinda views being forced in to him.
If someone ever married my daughter and had views like that. Crap would hit the fan
Last edited by Drick; 09-19-2010 at 06:32 PM.
#21
09-20-2010 | 01:38 AM
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From: Somewhere near the back of beyond
Well this is the reason I counsel my sons to choose their wives wisely as well as to wait until at least 25 to get married.
Since marriage is for life, as God commanded, nothing good will come from a divorce.
As a Christian I would like to see the Old Testament laws of stoning come back. At least 90% of marital issues are the wives problems. It started in the Garden of Eve and hasn't stopped.
Personally I would say suck it up and try to reconcile with your wife without giving up your authority as husband and father.
Good luck.
Since marriage is for life, as God commanded, nothing good will come from a divorce.
As a Christian I would like to see the Old Testament laws of stoning come back. At least 90% of marital issues are the wives problems. It started in the Garden of Eve and hasn't stopped.
Personally I would say suck it up and try to reconcile with your wife without giving up your authority as husband and father.
Good luck.
Eve in the garden ate the apple, no need to underrate it. But in blaming Eve did you forget that Adam also ate it?
#22
09-20-2010 | 07:57 AM
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Excuse me? This is the most chauvinistic, narrow-minded, unvarnished piece of bull-crap I've read in a long time. I've seen plenty of marital problems that are caused by men as well as women. It takes two to tango darlin', welcome out of the dark ages and into the light of the 21st century.
If the truth hurts......
#23
09-20-2010 | 08:11 AM
#24
09-20-2010 | 08:27 AM
Certified Goat Breeder
Good thread title because this is going to hurt.
You need a good lawyer.
I have a friend who recently went through this and if he had it to do over he would have taken the $50k loss on the house.
He paid $260k for a house when he was single, later got married, it lasted three years, same story CC debt etc...
He filed bankruptcy lost the house... She never moved out.
The divorce settlement was 900 alimony plus 1200 child support.
Problem was he only cleared $3,000 a month, leaving him $900 to survive, judge didn't care.
To make matters worse, the ex's boyfriend bought this guys house from the bank for $175K.
So now he is in effect buying his old house for his ex-wifes boyfriend.
His job keeps him on the road so a second job isn't an option.
The lawyers on both sides made out like bandit's to the tune of $60k, most of which he paid out of his 401k.
He is wallowing in financial suck-dom.
You need a good lawyer.
I have a friend who recently went through this and if he had it to do over he would have taken the $50k loss on the house.
He paid $260k for a house when he was single, later got married, it lasted three years, same story CC debt etc...
He filed bankruptcy lost the house... She never moved out.
The divorce settlement was 900 alimony plus 1200 child support.
Problem was he only cleared $3,000 a month, leaving him $900 to survive, judge didn't care.
To make matters worse, the ex's boyfriend bought this guys house from the bank for $175K.
So now he is in effect buying his old house for his ex-wifes boyfriend.
His job keeps him on the road so a second job isn't an option.
The lawyers on both sides made out like bandit's to the tune of $60k, most of which he paid out of his 401k.
He is wallowing in financial suck-dom.
#26
09-20-2010 | 04:51 PM
Senior Member
Good thread title because this is going to hurt.
You need a good lawyer.
I have a friend who recently went through this and if he had it to do over he would have taken the $50k loss on the house.
He paid $260k for a house when he was single, later got married, it lasted three years, same story CC debt etc...
He filed bankruptcy lost the house... She never moved out.
The divorce settlement was 900 alimony plus 1200 child support.
Problem was he only cleared $3,000 a month, leaving him $900 to survive, judge didn't care.
To make matters worse, the ex's boyfriend bought this guys house from the bank for $175K.
So now he is in effect buying his old house for his ex-wifes boyfriend.
His job keeps him on the road so a second job isn't an option.
The lawyers on both sides made out like bandit's to the tune of $60k, most of which he paid out of his 401k.
He is wallowing in financial suck-dom.
You need a good lawyer.
I have a friend who recently went through this and if he had it to do over he would have taken the $50k loss on the house.
He paid $260k for a house when he was single, later got married, it lasted three years, same story CC debt etc...
He filed bankruptcy lost the house... She never moved out.
The divorce settlement was 900 alimony plus 1200 child support.
Problem was he only cleared $3,000 a month, leaving him $900 to survive, judge didn't care.
To make matters worse, the ex's boyfriend bought this guys house from the bank for $175K.
So now he is in effect buying his old house for his ex-wifes boyfriend.
His job keeps him on the road so a second job isn't an option.
The lawyers on both sides made out like bandit's to the tune of $60k, most of which he paid out of his 401k.
He is wallowing in financial suck-dom.
Child support is what it is but should only be a % of what the payor makes up to a maximum. Alimony should be abolished. I have never understood why crippling a man financially was the only option.
I watched a few people I know go through this and it terrified me. It probably, on some subconcious level, played a very large part in why I don't have kids or have not been married.
I have been with my current girlfriend for 10 years this December and we both are gun-shy when it comes to marrage. Most of our friends are divorced some several times over and they ask us when we are getting married. Why? Because it worked out so great for you.
Hang in there OP. Most of the advice given so far has been good.
Last edited by grizzstang; 09-20-2010 at 05:29 PM.
#27
09-21-2010 | 01:40 AM
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From: Somewhere near the back of beyond
The truth is...I've been married for 30 years and regardless of what you believe the perfect union might be, my husband does not rule me, never has, never will. We are perfectly happy in a 50/50 marriage and it works for us. If he ever believed he could be my lord and master, that would be the time I pack my bags. I am perfectly aware of what the Bible says but I also believe that modern times call for modern ideas. The man as the ruler of the house is no longer a viable option as women are now raised to be independent, thinking human beings not well kept slaves and breeding stock.
#28
09-21-2010 | 07:44 AM
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The truth is...I've been married for 30 years and regardless of what you believe the perfect union might be, my husband does not rule me, never has, never will. We are perfectly happy in a 50/50 marriage and it works for us. If he ever believed he could be my lord and master, that would be the time I pack my bags. I am perfectly aware of what the Bible says but I also believe that modern times call for modern ideas. The man as the ruler of the house is no longer a viable option as women are now raised to be independent, thinking human beings not well kept slaves and breeding stock.
God's laws can never change.
#30
09-21-2010 | 02:22 PM
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From: Omaha, NE
Thanks for most of the responses. Credit cards are separated, looking into re-financing. Putting together a list of things to sell. I've been looking forward to simplifying my life for quite a while. Things will work out as well as they can. Shopping around for cheaper insurance for house and vehicle. Haven't been out to eat for a while. No movies, or extras. We are working together to make this move quickly and as painless as possible for everyone.