Dewser,

Here's the rewrite I did a few mins ago.

Beautiful Distraction

The emotions between us
Felt real enough, and light as air;
Now, they are nothing but scars
And burn marks,
The weight of which threatens
To crush me.

The nights of passionate verbiage,
The days of holding and squeezing
You...
I was a fool to not see that my clock
Was nothing more than a timer,
Ticking ever closer to my Oblivion.
Ticking ever closer to your Family.

Not leading me on,
As much as letting me fashion
My own knot
And secure my own noose.
You knew the endgame;
The blood that would flow...
Yet you selfishly played me
And left me to suffer, here alone.

Once, I was your beautiful distraction.

Now, I am the Ghost of Me.
Like a broken toy.
Unable to function,
Unable to make things right,
Unable to move on.

Trapped, by a love at once pure
And diseased.

HPL 5/4/12

 

Oh wow....WOW!!!!

That is superbly written, man! Just amazing!

I really dig the imagery and objectivity you use to relate emotions:

How the feelings you had turned from 'light as air' to scars and burn marks that threaten to crush you. Your 'clock' (I translated this as the rhythm of your heart) becoming a timer set for destruction. The 'knot' and 'noose' evolving from feelings being wrapped up in the subject. And 'broken toy'? Good grief, that's just incredible!! A perfect way to describe what you perceive yourself to be to the subject! A plaything that, once she had her fun, carelessly broke and left discarded.

It is a great work indeed when the writer can make the reader actually feel what is being written, and I certainly did here. Bravo!

And the icing was the last line...gave me chills!! Again, fantastic!

I'm sorry that happened to you, though. Unfortunately, emotional pain is a very real part of life. It's just one ingredient in the recipe that forms us.

Now, get rid of that damn Fartmaster!!

 

Lol yessir. Have you looked at my YT video of my exhaust? I honestly think it sounds good, for a FM. I'm thinking an 18" Maggie next, and at least some T3 steel pipes, rather than alumized. The only complaint I have is the interior drone...if I could make that go away, my exhaust sounds excellent (to me).

 

Been writing again, hope y'all enjoy...

Music

'Twas music led me hence,
To the realm and depths of your innocence.
Your siren song filled within me
A void I ne'er knew existed.

Entranced by thy beauty,
My decent into your possession was inevitable;
For your tune was at its crescendo,
None, save I, could hope to master its intricacies and notes.

Yet as is nature,
The tune slowed, the timbre sombered and quieted,
And I now float alone...
Dead in the currents...
The lights turned out and the music silenced.

I await your awakening note....


Clockspring

The clockspring of my heart
Is kept wound by thy loving touch.

Once, I was a simple pocket watch...
But with time, love and care beyond measure
You rebuilt me
With springs, tunnels, gears
And mechanisms grand.

Only you can truly comprehend my depths now;
Without you, I will simply stop one day and fall into ruin...
Only to ever be admired,
Ne'er fully understood.


Antiques

A curious predicament
Befell me in my youth--
Instead of girls my own age,
I chased ones bulletproof.

Women who had patina,
Golden somber tones
And sad little puppy dog eyes
From years of lessons learned.

Second-runs,
Some called them.

Their beauty all but gone--

But boy, they certainly knew how
To escort a young man home.

All work copyright HPL, 2012.

 

The Retrofit Blues

I squint through the gloom
Narrowly missing
A trio of bambies
On the road pissing

It's time I did something
To fix this for good
On halogen garbage
Spent more that I should

PnP rice lights
The sig of all punks
No way am I paying
For running that junk

The clueless mouthbreathers
So common it's scary
I'm not going to be
A DDM Fairy

Lightbars and KC's
Rednecks' stock fare
More ugly garbage
Not mounting that here

What's this I see
A TRS Group Buy
$ave Hundys o' greenbacks
Heck, give 'em a try

Just under the wire
I Get in the queue
Pays my dinero
And now I am screwed

Back-ordered! Back-ordered!
The emailed reply
I soil my Depends
I start to cry

A victim of residence
Canuckistans suffer
Treated like dirt
The border a buffer

I send an entreaty
'WTF'? I say
I'm greeted with silence
May as well pray

So here I sit
In a truck with no lights
Housings all opened
No HID's in sight

So a lesson to you
If light you hold dear
Stay home at night
Save yer money for beer



The Retrofit Blues - Part II

Low and behold
a package arrives
Beat up and filthy
I look inside

Rattling around
All loose and free
One Mini, one EVOX
One bulb broke in three

One 'Pollo, one 'Gun
One lens marked '3'
Don't seem to me
That they heeded my plea

Seal it back up
Go to the Post
Tell 'em forget it
This shipment is toast

Email the dudes
Subject line, yo
Refund! Refund!
Payback time, bro

I then find reviews
That trash 'em, oh yes
Alrighty then
I'll try R-S

Gives 'em a call
Coupons applied
Two days hence
I'm fully supplied

Moving along
New project,with luck
Baking the heads
The thermostat stuck

What is that smell
I run feeling dread
To find puddles of plastic
That used to be heads

Another two buckets
Careful this time
Came apart nicely
I should be fine

Spoke too soon
To my dismay
Disaster awaits
Just not my day

Up spins the Dremel
Had a HUGE sneeze
Sliced bucket in half
With the greatest of ease

Third time's the charm
Some liar once said
Into the fray
With more donor heads

Opened and Dremel'd
Check, check and done
Mounted & aimed
Resealed and then some

It's time for burn-in
Quality first
Run 'em in good
While I slake my thirst

Connect the supply
As a surge hits
Both bulbs explode
Ballasts smolder in bits

This bloody hobby
I'm beginning to see
Is testing my will
To hang from a tree

I now sit in darkness
Typing in gloom
On a rubber computer
In a rubber-lined room


Copyright MGD llc 2013

 

^^^

Thankyou....you made my day....

 

Oh I'm peeing my Depends, too lol

Great job MGD

 

Retrofit Blues - Jethro's Lament

(A.k.a - Indecisive Rednecks are indistinguishable from women)


Ah jes cain't decide
Oh, woe is me
Can ah git some hep
Ah reckon, fer free?

This 'un, that 'un
Wuzzat over thar?
Too many choices
Too many, by fahr

Ah wanna git HID's
Sumbish it be true
But Jeb on a crutch
Whut would yall do?

Big'uns er li'l 'uns
Shiney er flat
OEM housins, er
Ebay claptrap?

Do ah git Hey-Lo's
An' look like a fahg
Er add lotsa Led strips
Like ricer doochbags?

Kelvin er Kevin
Ah'm rightly cornfused
WTF that means
Ah just want 'em BLUE

Whut Paw'r yall runnin'
Ah reckon thass simple
The hiyer the better
Mah brain ain't no pimple

Ah'm handy an' sich
So meesef Ah be doin'
Cuttin' an' drillin'
Gluein' an' screwin'

Paintin' comes natchrul
Ah did the barn
Ah figger these buckets
Ah cain't do no harm

Now, Linin' them up
Thet thar's gonna hurt
Levelin' & measurin'
Scratchin' lines in the dirt

Ah gots an idear
Ah'll use whut we eat
ol' Bessie Ah'll stand
At 25 feet

Thet cutoff lined up
On her big cow eyes
She'll stare right back
While makin' her pies

One thang ah knowed
Thet be kickin' mah sack
Them 'Lactric fixin's
Gunna throwed me off-track

Thet juju be magic
To mah country cabbage
May as well say
Ah'm akin to a savage

One last l'il chore
Ah'm startin' ta brood
Jes how the faq
Do yall open dat hood?


Copyright MGD llc 2013

 

Retrofit Blues - Part IV - Cletus' Conundrum

(a.k.a. - Overly Sensitive Rednecks - a national pandemic?)

My neighour Jethro
He's a real good sport
Not so myself
So I'll make this report

It seems to me
The fellers what know
Look with disdain
On those what ain't so

What kinda mindset
Must these jerks possess
To treat so poorly
The folks who have less

HID retros
A straightforward mod
A Somewhat complex
But doable job

Ol' Jethro's determined
To get this thing done
But gets frustrated
With help from no one

How can a forum
So rich in content
support and encourage
toolbags this bent

I know I'm whining
But I'll stand fast
I'll always need sunshine
Blowed up my ayss

Copyright MGD llc 2013

 

MGD, I think you need to publish unedited versions. Perhaps, wip up a book fir download. Call it, iduno, -"what it B"

 

Retrofit Blues - Part V - The Final Chapter

(A.k.a - Why Rednecks stay angry)


It's been a while
A couple o' weeks
Despite being patient
And a few 'tweaks'

Like ticks on a coondawg
Persistent, have been
Pokin' and proddin'
A rise is not seen

'Sensitive', 'wimmin'
Foul words they must be
To rednecks what think
They's manly, you see

Seems humour and jest
Have taken their leave
E'en lighthearted verse
Offers no relief

Amazing it is
How just a few words
Can set someone off
N'er again to be heard

In a novel of promise
A chapter has ended
Close-mindedness claims
A friendship once splendid

Oh yep, on further exam
Blunder by thee Nonce!
This absence of 460's
FX-R's? What a Ponce!

So be it, but still
May yer Retros stay bright
Just one request
Don't bug me, aight?


Copyright MGD llc 2013

 

Laugh at me if you will, but I lost my fiancée to Texas, and in turn lost a profitable job opportunity. This is out of pain.

Burn

Walking through the ashes
Of my ruined world...
I pause, but a moment
Reflecting on how this came to pass.

It began with an Eve,
We shall call her,
And a strain upon m'love most fair.
I hurt that maiden beyond
Rhyme or Reason--only to have Eve
Betray me and my faith in her.

A love that strong, once put upon,
Is ne'er the same again
No matter the voracity of the Returning lover or from whence
His love doth spring.

Mayhaps, then, that this is fully Deserved?
That my pain is simply
The returning Boomerang,
Nay, a scythe blade coming 'round?
Mayhaps.

But then, my question comes:
"When shall Eve have her due?"

I lost everything,
And yet she found a gain
Most plentiful.
Not jealous am I,
Nay,
Simply inquisitive as to how
The Cause prospers
As the Pawn watched all he loves
Burn...

 

Life is far too short...

 

I can't believe I missed this somehow.

Wow!!! This is fantastic work, bud! You effectively conveyed the emotions you feel, and through every word, I could almost feel what you were feeling. This is truly what effective writing is all about!

My favorite stanza here:

'A love that strong, once put upon,
Is ne'er the same again
No matter the voracity of the Returning lover or from whence
His love doth spring.'

You related a feeling of hopelessness in the face of the one thing that gives us hope; love. It reminds me of Tennyson's "'Tis better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all". However, in this case it seems the opposite of Tennyson's idea...one with which, although I do love Tennyson's work, I've always disagreed.

The best works relate feeling and emotion. You've definitely done that. Excellently done, bud!

 

I helped illustrate a joke book when I was a kid, wrote a few jokes so I'm a published illustrator/author